At last I am starting to look preggers rather than just eaten too many pies - which I have done! My Mum says I should call the baby 'haribo' which is an indicator of my healthy(not) eating regime. Tonight I am going to eat some vegetables as i have, alas, become sandwich girl (doesn't have the same ring to it as diet girl) and whilst at the moment it's difficult to worry too much about the gains but I fear I will regret it after the baby comes and I still look like a beached whale.

update

Ages since I blogged - and we all know thats a bad sign..................
What spurred me on was an article i Grazia mag " Could you be diet bipolar?" Ah yes my all or nothing mentality "you're either very very good or very very bad"..

In any event I am unable to diet being up the duff as it were - would love to say that I am eating healthily and trying to not put on too much weight and that is certainly my aim - but sadly not the reality - carbs my enemy are the only thing that stopped me feeling nauseous and even though the nausea has now in the main passed my eating has not been good - old habits die hard and am now fairly resigned to having to address the gains after the birth - current plan breast feed until I'm 10 stone he he

Feeling pretty huge already frankly and I can't blame the sproglet yet ! But not beating myself up too much as what's the point - not weighing myself every day anymore either as it's only going to get worse before it gets better.

Day 2 of no chocolate - it's a miracle.
I have also realised that i have so much more time whan I am not overeating - bizzare but true.

need to get a grip

I really do.

When I was pregnant I felt full of life, full of happiness, full of hope. (I was even eating a bit more healthily!!) (Albeit probably too much)
Since m/c (such a horrible word) i have felt a bit empty and it is abundantly clear I have been trying to fill the void with food which of course does not help and makes me really p*ssed off with self, and in fact, utterley predictably, makes me feel a whole lot worse. Where on earth is the sense in that ? It's almost like self punishment. Old habits die hard. But the alleged 'coping mechanism' does not actually work at all, rather it compounds unhappiness. whinge whinge whinge - I've been saying this to myself for weeks. I know the score but no matter how many times I tell myself it I seem unable to walk the walk. In the back of my mind of course is the thought that my obesity and binge/starve mentality might have had something to do with went wrong and that is just too awful to contemplate.

so need to get a grip ......like yesterday.

Theory is easy it's the practical application I'm pants at.

facing the music (again)

so where to start..............

had wonderful wedding and honeymoon and only gained about 1/2 stone which given was eating food was not too unhappy with

didn't do anything about it and suddenly was a stone heavier

got pregnant so no vlcd just healthy eating (overjoyed)

then had m/c (very sad but trying to be philosophical)and been comfort eating for England ever since

culmination = now over a stone and a half on since wedding - want it off and quick

But afraid of VLCD re future conception/fertility (played havoc with cycle) but the all or nothing girl in me aint acheiving anything at the moment with a more conservative approach (ie involves eating)

Bummer - hope this doesn't sound like alist of excuses

After another day of pontificating -( and eating greggs pasties - and, well, in for a penny in for a pound, - eating my own body weight in chocolate )- I have joined weight watchers for the zillionth time. I know it works if you stick to it and I need to regain control in a more balanced way. The alternative of continuing to be totally out of control, feeling guilt and self loathing, has to stop now before the 1 stone turns into 3 (and I reckon I could do that in a matter of weeks the way I am eating for england right now) or the opposite ie) packs and effectively starvation messing with my cycle never mind my head! isn't (I don't think) the way forward for me at this time. So I am trying the middle road - sensible does not come easily for me but here goes..... (again)
Does any of this make sense? Sometimes I think the hardest person to convince is myself .....and these ramblings are an attempt to do just that. hmmmmmmm

back to real life

i have just enjoyed catching up on everyone's blogs and thought I'd better face the truth myself - since my return from honeymoon i have been procrastinating brilliantly! And whilst deciding how to address the half a stone or so gain it has grown to nearly a stone!!! (DURRRR)
We had a lovely wedding and honeymoon (thanks for all your good wishes and i will try and learn how to upload some photo's promise)and i was not unhappy with a half stone gain - easily dealable with -if, of course, i had addressed it immediately- instead of compounding it!!!
So here we are - jeans tight - muffin top - pissed off with self a bit really.
The question is how to STOP THE ROT now before 1 stone turns into 3 (again).
I had considered the ease of packs, the draw o getting a stone off in a matter of 14 days or so is strong - but I think for a variety of reasons (including hoping for a family and I'm not sure starvation calories is very clever if hoping to conceive) i might be better to find the longer term balance for the future ie) healthy eating and exercise otherwise i fear the cycle of binge /starve will never end and that is such a depressing idea - my all or nothing mentality is not healthy. So here goes............................